headerphoto

답장

음, 우선은 답장을 해주어서 정말 고마워.
정말 정말 오랫만이네 벌써 4년은 된 것 같은데.
우리 알았던 시간만큼 또 다시 흐른 거네.
그리고 혹시 가능하다면 조금의 호의를 더 베풀어주겠니?
전하고 싶은 말이 많았거든. 아주 약간만 약간만 들어줘.

이제서야 쉽게 말할 수 있을 것 같아.
되돌릴 수가 없으니까 쉽게 말할 수 있다고, 그렇지만 사실은 그런 감정은 아니겠지. 정 반대일거야.
예전의 그 문자들은 단순히 오해하라고 보내진 않았어. 지금은 무어라 썼는지 기억에도 없지만 말야.
그저 그 때 느낀 그대로였을거야. 적어도 내가 좋아하는 사람들을 곤란하게 하는 건 싫거든

언제나 네가 이야기했잖아.
좋아한단 말을 듣고 나면 그 이후엔 좋아할 수 없게 되버린다고,
그저 소심한 나로서는 언제나 그런 사소한 한마디 한마디에 얽매여서 용기라는 건 전혀 내지 못했어.
그런 소리를 듣고서 지속될 수 있는 지금까지의 관계를 무너뜨리면서까지 널 잃을 행동은 생각지 못했지.
그렇지만 그만큼 무덤덤하게 행동할 수 없었기 때문에 결국엔 그런 관계까지도 무너뜨리고 만거야.

그저 내가 용기 없는 것이 문제이지, 네 말이 문제인 것은 아냐.
다만, 오히려 편해진 지금에서라도 그저 널 힘들게 하기 위해 그런 게 아니라고 말하고 싶었어.

이제 와 무얼 바란다거나, 그런거 웃기겠지.
그냥 혼자 자기만의 만족인듯, 그렇게 말하고 싶은 걸지도 몰라.

여전히 후회되는 건 전하고 싶은 마음은 한 마디도 못한 채
하루종일 겉도는 대화만을 주고 받았던 그 날, 그냥 슬며시 건내기만 했던 장미 한 송이일 뿐이지.
정말로 전하고 싶었던 건 그 자리에 아직도 남아있겠지.
장미 한 송이와 ...

너무 말이 길었던 것 같아.
만약 다 읽어주었다면 정말 고마워. 정말로
2008/04/09 15:37 2008/04/09 15:37
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